ever since my last post here, i have been struggling with my conflict about my son's education. this is chronicled in our homeschool blog, and i won't rehash the whole thing here, except to say that we followed our instincts and have removed ourselves from the government schools.

it feels good. it is very freeing. a bit scary, though, too. and i am filled with an overwhelming urge to 'get it all done now' and to show everybody just how well this is going to work by diving right in. and in this, i am losing sight of my purpose, which is to nurture my son's innate desire for knowledge, and find out who he is & what it is that he finds interesting. it is not to have a full list of 4 hours a day of documented materials covered. that is their game, and i don't want to play it.

and so, i let my creative spirit play some tonight. i envisioned decorating his corner of the living room. i envisioned researching archery equipment & taking a field trip to dick's. i remembered that screw that we need to replace on his trailer bike, and saw us biking to home depot to find one that would fit.

there are a lot of adventures to be had, and i want them to read more like poohbear than a tax form.

summer is drawing to a close and my thoughts are scattered like the early autumn leaves. our whole crew went on a whirlwind visit with my east coast relatives, which was a lot of fun, although rather tiring. we even contemplated moving up there, as a proposition was made by my cousin involving an empty house that needs tending.... but we have come to our senses and realized what my friend sully pointed out: "not supposed to be moving further EAST!!!"

we came back to the north coast and hit the pavement running. the sunchild missed the first day of kindergarten, and was very excited about his own 'first day'. he had a good time, but his excitement has since turned to boredom and frustration. 'i hate school' he tells me. should i be surprised? so did i, most of the time. and i wonder what sort of place i am coming from where i would entrust him to a system that i find flawed & even damaging. the other kids are mean to him and don't want to play with him. this is supposed to help him develop better social skills?

my MIL insists that it is good for him... that he will adjust. well, maybe that is true- but do i really want him to adjust to the system? i know that he is strong, and bright, and resilient- but the system is big & heartless & hungry for little minds. they watch a movie every freaking day, for crying out loud!!!

part of me feels we should try it for a year. i could use the time to work, to find clients, to actually practice the vocation for which i trained so long and so hard. we would have enough income to feel safe, rather than strained, as is our normal MO. we would then be able to move to olympia in the spring, easily.

but another part screams that a year is too long. the damage to his spirit could be great. he will learn mediocrity, and to be a cog in the system. he will learn so many things about the dark side of human nature, and the cruelty of children, and the apathy of bureaucracy. and so we make some extra money. at what cost???

we will move next year, no doubt. we have done it before with even less. is it worth it to go against my instinct in order to ease financial stress? and i can still see clients in the evenings- i just will not likely be able to get a 'job'. and considering how much of a hassle it has been to make my business legit, maybe that is the wisest course after all...