i think i operate on the premise that people need space. when i find myself in crowds, i pick up on the amount of energy present, and it makes my energy level higher. sometimes, afterwards, i feel anxious, still pulsing with energy i picked up hours earlier. i tend to need space to ground that energy, especially after a particularly intense experience.

and if i don't get the space i need, i get irritable & take it out on my family. not nice, i know, but real. i need to work on three tools- grounding more effectively in the presence of others, taking the space to ground, when that is what is necessary, and recognizing the need to ground when the energy is rushing too quickly.

otherwise, this energy (which i tend to interpret somatically as fear) can fly out of me like lightning from a cloud, & hopefully can i avoid setting any trees on fire.

not all people need space to ground, though. and those that don't sometimes misinterpret those who do.

how far do you take compassion?

i was washing the dishes and pondering the nature of relationships, and interpersonal communication, when i thought of the dalai lama. he is big on compassion.

and as a massage therapist, i am learning to come from this new place, where each person is entitled to their own story, however different from my own it is. and that i don't have to agree with someone to see them as a soul playing out their own story.

and so i strive for compassion. for non-judgement.

of course, i am not always successful. it is hard to be non-judgemental when i feel under attack, or in quite a few other circumstances. history, emotional investment, personal state of mind- they all come into play.

and i am known to lose my temper too. that's when all ideals fly out the window.

but i am trying to make compassion my compass.

this is the view of our patio . it is right outside of our living room, and we face east for the morning sun. in the winter, i fed the birds. in the spring, the sunflowers sprouted. the other flowers and plants came later.

the 3rd wheel came later on, in summer. i have my mother to thank for that one. that is our 'second car'. it is fun to go to the library with the sunchild. his papa likes to take him to a beautiful place in the woods that he knows. yesterday we went window shopping at toys are us, so that he could write things down on his wish list. i wish there were bike lanes in this neighborhood.

summertime is just flying by. we have been swimming just about every day, unless i have to go to work, and i am sporting a rather nice tan for a redhead.

somehow, i have ended up with quite a few neighbor kids swarming me on the way to the pool. my MIL invited them to swim with us once & now they seem to think they are entitled to come with us every day. they are good kids though, and i don't mind too much. their mom is in school & working & single & i know she has a lot on her plate.

these kids wouldn't even put their faces in the water when we first went together.... but they have watched sun's progression from a non-face-wetter to a underwater fish, in less then a week, and have been inspired tremendously. it is neat to see them gain confidence.

hanging out at the pool has given me the opportunity to meet some more of my neighbors & see how the local kids interact. i admit that the older boys (who travel in sort of a pack) were very intimidating to me at first. i am now more comfortable with them, as i watch them & learn about their various personalities. this is good, because public school is looming, and all of my social anxieties are rather aggravated by this shift in our lives.

i met the substitute bus driver too. she lives in the complex here & has a son starting kindergarten too. maybe i will actually let him ride the bus to school eventually too. the idea does not sit well with me, but somehow, i think that by the time the snow flies, i might be very happy to have that option.

three weeks left until kindergarten. why does it feel like I am the one going back to school? truly, it has been wonderful to have no outside schedule to pull at me. the sunchild & i have been having a great time together, especially since i received my exam results back. the fog finally lifted, and my ability to be present & entertaining has returned.

the beginning of school is when i go back to work, as well. i will be doing massage therapy at a chiropractors office 2 days a week. this leaves me time to build up my own practice, as well, which is my ultimate goal.

but for now, i feel the end of summer looming, and have been doing my best to stave it off through a lot of pool time, and intentionally ignoring my lists of things to do.