well, it worked.

i regained some sense of order in my brain by straightening out the house. in some way, it is like casting a circle.... i am laying claim over my space again, smudging it with my attention, and in that way, i am clearing the energy.

i feel much better. part meditation, part prayer, the ritual of straightening up has a similar emotional impact to bumping heads.... i feel grounded again.

i remember that i have to trust in It. it will support me in following the true path, i just have to cultivate attention to It.

damn.

"It" sounds so formal. but my intellect rebels at the use of pronouns for describing the nameless.

yet what i feel in me, is less a yearning for some "It", than a trust like a child in the great mama. she will take care of me.

i guess that is why i self identify as somewhat of a pagan. the great mama resonates so clearly, like a bell. and yet i find truth & comfort in many differing conceptual constructs of deity.

the life of pi is making me feel very aligned with hinduism these days. that ancient framework invites all players of archetypes into the game.