Autumn is in full swing these days, and as the leaves drift lazily down against a backdrop of grey, I feel my sight turning within as the days grower noticeably shorter. I love the fall. Being a Scorpio, I feel very in tune with the nature of death & rebirth. This time of year brings out my introspection, like gazing into a deep well, as I contemplate another approaching birthday-- my own personal new year.

Homeschooling has become my focus, as I struggle with defining what, exactly, that means to me. When my son was younger, my alternative ways were more easily hidden, as we flew below the radar of consensus reality in many ways. Homeschooling, however, at least here in Ohio, requires that I notify the school board. Somehow this makes it all official. It is rather like the difference between living together in a long-term, personally defined, committed relationship, and getting married with a license filed in the county courthouse. As long as we avoid self-defining, we don't have all of the baggage thrust upon us by others and their expectations. The documentation, in a sense, carries the weight of societies expectations, and demands that I live up to the agreements I have made with myself.

Truly, life is different now that we are married. It has been a year and a half, and so many of our pre-marital struggles have evaporated. Our comfort levels have increased, and our willingness to be open and vulnerable with each other is growing all the time. We have surrendered to this path, and, now we can focus on doing good while walking it.

I sense this shift happening, now that we are 'officially' homeschooling. In aiming toward public kindergarten this year, my sense of self began to be subsumed by all sorts of concepts of what 'should' be. And when I began feeling should-upon, I get incredibly tense and worried and life is hard. When I feel less should-upon, things open up, and I am more able to act from the heart.

Instead of trying to make my family fit into the local elementary school, and its surrounding culture, we can focus on defining, strengthening, and polishing our own family culture. We can choose to act in the ways that we think are important, and teach our son to focus on discovering his own gifts, and how best to be in relationship with other people. In choosing to homeschool, our whole family is learning these things, and it honors this journey that our three souls have embarked upon, for this turn of the wheel of life.

And in case I wasn't paying attention, the Universe gave me a nice sign yesterday, that I am walking the right path. I got a call for 2 massages last night. I haven't had any clients since before my tests. Now that I am settling into myself, I am calmer, and more grounded. That is the state I need to be in to practice massage- not stressed, nervous & worried. It is funny how very eloquent the Source/God/ess/Great Spirit is when one is quiet enough to listen.